Yes I'm 18

"Oh, you had a birthday? how did you turn?"

"18"

" So now your an adult. Does it feel any different?" 

"No...Yes...ish"

What do you mean do I feel any different. No I don't have back pain. no I don't crave strange foods. No I'm not any more or less interested in the opposite sex. However I'm under a whole new amount of pressure. I have to get a licence. I have to make money. I have to finish high school. I have to write this post before Sunday. Then there's always the hope of a rest... when I'm 75 years old and retired. That is if I make enough money to retire, and assuming I live to 75. Chances are I'll die of cancer or a car accident or heart disease before 45. 

No I didn't physically change from January 13th to January 14. At least not much. However I do have a sense of responsibility that I'm not excited about. "Oh but being an adult is so much better"... Yeah you have fun backing that one up. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep and wake up with all my work done. Alas that never works. In fact I tend to wake up with more work than when I started. 

I used to look forward to summer. I still do.

Who's idea was the triangle. They should be shot. The dust that used to make up their body should be...(face turning red, ears beginning to steam)... Thrown into a light summer breeze! (deep inhalation) Yeah... Thrown into the wind. Never again able to torture society with the hidden complexities of three sides and three angles. 

If you haven't noticed my brain travels when I give it time to think. It doesn't mill over one subject. It starts somewhere and goes off to who-knows-where. For example the last five minutes of my day were not spent writing the last few sentences. Right after "who-knows-where" I remembered that I just downloaded skype to my phone. Turns out in order to get into my account I have to remember my password. Sense when do yo actually have to know your password? I thought computers were supposed to be convenient. Anyway...

So yeah, responsibility. What happened to being done with school at 12:00. What happened to  the days I would wake up at 5:00 and finish my school before breakfast. Then I could spend all day outside playing with sticks and jumping on the trampoline and playing computer games and building lego castles and all the best things in life. Now people expect me to be different. I'm not supposed to enjoy running around whacking people with sword-like objects. I'm not supposed to like making little airplanes and buildings out of little building blocks just so that I can destroy them again. sometimes I envy the creators of Godzilla.  

They expect me to just put away childlike things and become a man. Well, being a kid, all men seem to have time for is work. Sigh. Being a man doesn't look fun. Being mature sounds hard. And no I don't like a challenge... Unless it has to do with settling small hexagonal islands.

Then you are all the sudden an adult, a man. You are either mature or a failure. Your either working or dying.  Your either contracting "you are" correctly or you're uneducated. Life just doesn't stop coming at you... I could do it. I could work from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm like my dad. I could wake up at 5:00 so that I have time to be in the word. I could be a mature man. BUT I DON"T FEEL LIKE IT! I'd much rather sleep til 7:00, start school at 9:00 and be done at 12:00, spend all afternoon on the computer or playing with me younger brothers. Maybe even pick a chore off the list I have and do it. Then if I get a chance I'll take a nap and have a weird/cool/amazing/new/interesting/thought provoking dream. After that I'll expect a ride to a friend's house where I will enjoy the time I was supposed to spend sleeping hanging out with the people I love. Then I'll go home and sleep some more. That sounds like much more fun. However I can't imagine doing that same thing when I'm 35. Living with my parents, getting them to drive me around, working 10 hours a week so that I can buy toys for myself. What an empty life... how pathetic would that be.

"So how old are you"

"I'm 23" 

"What school do you go to?" 

"I graduated."

"Oh really? from where?"

"CWCS"

"High school?"

"Yeah... I'm planning on going to MJC when I grow up."

(sigh) I guess if I'm going to grow up it should be soon... tomorrow maybe. I'm going to go read my last post now... Well believe it or not this took an hour and a half to write. Yes, I'm 18. Yes, life is changing fast. Yes, I plan to step it up. No I don't want to stay a kid forever. I want to want to glorify God with my life. I want to be mature. I want to move out. I want to start a family. I want to go to school and get a good education. I want to have a good job that can support my family without everyone worrying about weather or not we will be able to pay our bills. I want but I can't have unless I find motivation and actually change the way I treat life... 

"Excuse me, I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home?" I could do some really close reading on that line... ish.