I seem to be lacking motivation... I never seem to want to do anything. I mean I'm eighteen but I don't have a drivers licence, I hardly ever get all my homework done on time, and I don't want to go to a concert. The only thing that motivates me to go to work is because I get paid. I know that doing my homework pays in the long run, but that doesn't seem to get me to change my behavior. I don't even know why I'm writing this.
I seem to be missing something big... Oh yeah... Seeking to glorify God in everything that I do... *sigh*... then of course this has to include dying to myself and my own glory and satisfaction... But I like bringing satisfaction to myself; sleeping in, procrastinating, taking naps, hanging out with friends, staying up late, playing Settlers, etc, etc... These things make me so happy, why would I want to do anything else... Well they don't exactly pay the bills (not that I have many of those yet). They also don't last very long. Shoot, I'm already eighteen. I can show you plenty of examples in my life of "joys" that have worn themselves out. I don't find nearly as much pleasure in sucking my thumb as I used to.... So either I'm going to have to constantly try to find new things to satisfy myself, or I'm going to have to find the strength to be content with what I have... How could I ever be strong enough to keep from procrastinating. I'm constantly wanting to not do whatever it is i'm supposed to be doing. For example... THIS POST... I don't have a blog post written in my homework assignment. However here I am, during the hour and a half I've set aside for English homework, writing a blog. I am at this moment lacking the power to keep myself on track. How do I get that power? What will motivate me to get the work I'm supposed to do done.
Well being a good christian boy (or man or whatever I am), I should just ask God for the strength and be done with it. Easy as that.... Oh wait I tried that before didn't I? Hmmm... Why didn't it work. I know God can give me anything. Why is he keeping me from succeeding in my life?.. Could it possibly be that I don't have enough faith? Maybe I just didn't believe enough... OR, it could be that I want Gods power, but I don't care about him at all in the situation-*gasp*- NO, not good little me. God is always the center of my life! You can tell by... all the good things I do... like... procrastinate... work only for my own satisfaction... make my parents and friends drive me around cause I'm too lazy to drive myself...
It looks to me like I'm not bearing any good fruit. Yeah sure there's a little grape I like to call not cussing. There's some real fruit. But is it for God that I don't cuss, or party, or smoke, or drink... "Well when you make him Lord of your life this stuff is easy to conquer"... Maybe. However it's also easy to stay out of all that when you can't drive to the party, you can't say those words cause most of the people you talk to are christian, you can't smoke because your parents would find out and make you feel bad about it... These are very selfish reasons that have nothing to do with God. They are plenty motivation to stay out of that garbage. But what about my mind? Who sees where that goes? Well there's God. But judging by the past paragraph I don't really care what he thinks, all I want from him is power to become successful. And I ask why he won't give it to me. Hmmm... Well lets go back to plan A. God says (in the bible) that we are created to be in fellowship with him and work. Well I'm trying to get the working part down. The first part though is unimportant. I mean how could fellowship have a hand in receiving help from God? How could seeking his glory have a hand in giving me success? How can being humbled and dying to myself possibly bring me satisfaction? Where is the joy in giving my life to Christ?..
Basically what this all comes down to is me wanting my own glory. But God doesn't work for me. God doesn't seek my glory. He doesn't want me to be empowered to do my will. He works for Himself. He seeks his glory first. He wants me to be empowered to do his will. AGH!! I'm out of time! okay really quick here. God will never glorify me. I need to glorify Him. I have to seek to satisfy His desires. I have to make what He wants what I want. only then will he lend me his power. I will be successful in all I do because it will be him doing the work. Not to say I just sit back and watch him. But true satisfaction can be had when my goal is to worship him in all I do. No I'm not perfect. I'm probably going to sin at some point in my future. However I'm looking forward to bearing some real fruit. Not for my enjoyment. For Gods....
I'm sorry this is so all over the place. I didn't have time to organize anything, I kinda just started writing and didn't stop until my time was up. Anyway I hope this makes you think about what motivates you. Do you do what you do becouse of people around you. Or is it genuinely coming from a desire to have God first in your life? I'm done now...ish
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