Zombies?

Listen folks, Zombie Apocalypse. We're always debating what to do in case of one. Well the answer is quite simple. So simple in fact I wish I had thought of it myself. People say the best weapon you could possibly have during a Zombie Apocalypse is a crowbar. This could be true if you get one weapon, but if you only have one weapon you a goner anyway. The truth is if you're really worried about zombies what you need to do is prepare.

What you'll need:

First you need a few acres of land. This will be used for storage and it will serve as a base come the Apocalypse. Is it too much to ask that you get high ground? maybe a hill? This land must have a working well and preferably a way to hand pump water in case there is no electricity, and room for a large garden. You will also need a supply of farm tools (these will also be used as weapons during battle). You will need an emergency supply of food and seeds for planting, in case of food shortage. You will need a bus or two to retrieve people from town. after all you will need lot's of help and I don't think anyone will want to be left alone during the end of the world. Fencing material or even brick for walls will come in handy. You will need an emergency generator(s), a supply of gasoline, and possibly a few solar panels. Don't use the gas unless you have to. You will have to get a lot of electrical extension cords.  The last thing you're going to need is a large supply of treadmills... a huge supply of treadmills... In fact it might be best to just get into the treadmill business now and get your hands on as many as possible. 

What you do to prepare:

Start your farm. Learn how to plant and grow your own food. Even if the zombies don't come around you will definitely benefit from this skill. Get you farm going now so that later it will already be in motion and you won't have to go through the problems you have starting up. Then you need to tell you friends the plan. they may think your crazy but when their home is being invaded by brain hungry dead people they will understand. Make sure all the treadmills work, and that you have enough cord to go all the way around the base. building your fence and walls might be a good idea too.

What to do come the Zombie Apocalypse:

Once you find out that the world is under attack by the undead go out in your bus find as many of your friends as you can collect them and bring them to you fortress. Assuming you have some time, set all the treadmills around the perimeter of the base facing inside. This will stop most of the zombies from getting in. Don't turn them on until you see the enemy getting close. Arm your newly acquired army with anything you can find (farm tools from earlier. If you have guns and ammo all the better, but you will run out sooner or later so be conservative of bullets. I would prefer a fiberglass handled ax rather than a crowbar personally, because even if the ax dulls it will serve as a nice sledgehammer. And the handle will be hard to break). Then prepare for battle! 

Once they get to the treadmills turn them on. As they get stuck trying to walk over the never ending gap between you and the rest of them take them out one by one. aim for heads as always make sure they are actually dead, and then get ready for another. Make sure you have a few people taking care of the garden and making sure the electricity stays on. Don't use your generator(s) until the electricity is out... obviously. take a rest whenever you can and spare as much energy as you can. Plant more seeds, you will need the food soon. Build your fences if you haven't already. I can't tell you exactly where, so do some thinking for yourself. Remember you have more brains than the enemy... That's why your under attack. 

Hopefully they will come in waves (like in the video games) and you will have some breaks. 

Night patrols must be placed and given no or little light. If they see light they will get accustomed to it and they won't be able to see in the dark. You also don't want to use all your batteries or wood. You can slowly adjust at first but you should be off light in a week. 

If you have fuel and transportation raids or rescue missions are okay. But every man counts so only go if you are sure of everyone coming back alive.

Keep fighting until the army comes to rescue you. If the Apocalypse ends before you are rescued, name a town after yourself or something. 

I hope this helps any of you who are really paranoid about zombie attacks. I confess I won't be doing the treadmill thing, but I don't think I'm going to have much zombie trouble. If it actually happens I'll probably be the goner with the crowbar... ish