Zombies?

Listen folks, Zombie Apocalypse. We're always debating what to do in case of one. Well the answer is quite simple. So simple in fact I wish I had thought of it myself. People say the best weapon you could possibly have during a Zombie Apocalypse is a crowbar. This could be true if you get one weapon, but if you only have one weapon you a goner anyway. The truth is if you're really worried about zombies what you need to do is prepare.

What you'll need:

First you need a few acres of land. This will be used for storage and it will serve as a base come the Apocalypse. Is it too much to ask that you get high ground? maybe a hill? This land must have a working well and preferably a way to hand pump water in case there is no electricity, and room for a large garden. You will also need a supply of farm tools (these will also be used as weapons during battle). You will need an emergency supply of food and seeds for planting, in case of food shortage. You will need a bus or two to retrieve people from town. after all you will need lot's of help and I don't think anyone will want to be left alone during the end of the world. Fencing material or even brick for walls will come in handy. You will need an emergency generator(s), a supply of gasoline, and possibly a few solar panels. Don't use the gas unless you have to. You will have to get a lot of electrical extension cords.  The last thing you're going to need is a large supply of treadmills... a huge supply of treadmills... In fact it might be best to just get into the treadmill business now and get your hands on as many as possible. 

What you do to prepare:

Start your farm. Learn how to plant and grow your own food. Even if the zombies don't come around you will definitely benefit from this skill. Get you farm going now so that later it will already be in motion and you won't have to go through the problems you have starting up. Then you need to tell you friends the plan. they may think your crazy but when their home is being invaded by brain hungry dead people they will understand. Make sure all the treadmills work, and that you have enough cord to go all the way around the base. building your fence and walls might be a good idea too.

What to do come the Zombie Apocalypse:

Once you find out that the world is under attack by the undead go out in your bus find as many of your friends as you can collect them and bring them to you fortress. Assuming you have some time, set all the treadmills around the perimeter of the base facing inside. This will stop most of the zombies from getting in. Don't turn them on until you see the enemy getting close. Arm your newly acquired army with anything you can find (farm tools from earlier. If you have guns and ammo all the better, but you will run out sooner or later so be conservative of bullets. I would prefer a fiberglass handled ax rather than a crowbar personally, because even if the ax dulls it will serve as a nice sledgehammer. And the handle will be hard to break). Then prepare for battle! 

Once they get to the treadmills turn them on. As they get stuck trying to walk over the never ending gap between you and the rest of them take them out one by one. aim for heads as always make sure they are actually dead, and then get ready for another. Make sure you have a few people taking care of the garden and making sure the electricity stays on. Don't use your generator(s) until the electricity is out... obviously. take a rest whenever you can and spare as much energy as you can. Plant more seeds, you will need the food soon. Build your fences if you haven't already. I can't tell you exactly where, so do some thinking for yourself. Remember you have more brains than the enemy... That's why your under attack. 

Hopefully they will come in waves (like in the video games) and you will have some breaks. 

Night patrols must be placed and given no or little light. If they see light they will get accustomed to it and they won't be able to see in the dark. You also don't want to use all your batteries or wood. You can slowly adjust at first but you should be off light in a week. 

If you have fuel and transportation raids or rescue missions are okay. But every man counts so only go if you are sure of everyone coming back alive.

Keep fighting until the army comes to rescue you. If the Apocalypse ends before you are rescued, name a town after yourself or something. 

I hope this helps any of you who are really paranoid about zombie attacks. I confess I won't be doing the treadmill thing, but I don't think I'm going to have much zombie trouble. If it actually happens I'll probably be the goner with the crowbar... ish

Just a Thought

Why is it that I always have a sense of something else or something bigger than here and know while in a dream? If I'm having a bad dream I always know that everything will turn out fine, because I have hope in waking up. If I am having a good dream I always fear that an end is coming and all the good things of that dream will be lost forever. You think maybe these feelings were designed this way to teach me something? perhaps God thought I could learn from dreams. It's not like he hasn't used them in the past. Is it Possible that he is giving me a glimpse of what heaven is in comparison to this world I now live in?Well I've decided to try to answer this question by comparing dream to reality with reality to heaven (ultimate reality). Now this isn't a perfect example it is only a glimpse as I said earlier, so don't get caught up on every detail.

In a dream I know I will wake, and in reality I know (because of God's Spirit in my heart) that I will go to heaven when I die. In a bad dream I constantly and longingly look forward to the moment when I wake. And in real life, If things get difficult or if everything seems to be falling apart, I look forward to the living in heaven where there is no pain and everything is in order. Funny how simple that is.

But what about good dreams? See, good dreams are much different, just like a good life. In a good dream I try to get as much as I can, and I don't look forward to waking up to reality, because I know that once I wake the time I had in the dream will have been so insignificant, and all that "goodness" will be gone . So In reality sometimes things go my way. Especially, living in the US, I don't experience a lot of the hardships that other people go through. Sometimes I look at the end of life like the end of a good dream. When things are good sometimes I tend not to even think of the end. I would rather think on things of this earth and temporary treasures. I set my hope on earthly satisfaction rather than on eternal life in heaven. I don't look forward to heaven because I prefer what I already have. Where is the sense in that? When I wake up, when I go to see the Lord all of the things I put my hope in, all the things I set my mind on during my "good" or "comfortable" life will be so insignificant and all that "good" will be gone. Sound familiar?

Now if I spend my mind loving the things of this life, or "laying up for myself treasure on earth" then do you think there will be much in store for me when I get to heaven?... Will I be disappointed at the loss of all my stuff? Well I doubt there will be any disappointment in heaven, but I know there is in life. I know that, just like in most dreams, I am never satisfied with the stuff I get. What if while I dreamed I looked forward to waking? Trusting my body to wake me at the right time, what if I simply enjoyed the dream but planned to wake up and live reality. Maybe I wouldn't be upset when I woke, maybe I would be satisfied while I dreamed.

I dunno, just a thought... ish

Breakfast?

When I woke this morning I wanted nothing but to eat breakfast. I climbed out of bed, my empty stomach growling at me, and quickly turned on the light. It felt as though my chest would fall into my stomach for lack of support as I got dressed. Soon I was crawling into the kitchen in search of something to satisfy my cravings. As I looked through the glorious refrigerator I found it was filled only with green. I slumped. There seemed to be no edible food in the beautifully cold container. I was going to resort to dying hungry and miserable.

Alas as I lay on the kitchen floor I looked to the counter and I saw an egg carton. My hope of survival was restored. I climbed up the counter (my legs still didn't seem to work) and opened the carton. as I lifted the styrofoam  top I knew I would never forget the sight of those two copper colored spheres. I grasped them in both my hands careful not to drop their golden contents all over the floor. I slowly walked to the stove and placed the bronze jewels next to the pan. I could already feel my strength returning as I turned the stove to medium heat.

Soon the coal black cast iron pan was hot and ready for butter. But I panicked. Did we have any butter? My stomach jumped at the though of my beautiful eggs all stuck and burnt in the pan. I looked around frantically for the soft white fat. I found the cardiac hazard sitting next to the toaster. Next thing I knew I was chopping at the block of white heaven with a hot knife. It cut like butter with a hot knife... obviously... and all of a sudden I was melting the glorious dairy produce over the dark pan.

It was time for breaking the eggs. I mentally thanked the chicken who donated it's would be children to my apatite as I cracked the first victim over the hot buttered pan. Then the second. I screamed in terror as I realized I had failed in the delicate task of egg cracking. Under the already whitening egg sat a dark brown piece of shell. I quickly reached down ignoring the burns at the tips of my fingers and picked out the intruder.

At last the shell was out! Next I was cleaning my scalded fingers in the sink. As I dried them on a clean rag I remembered the eggs I had started cooking so long ago. I ran, it seamed for hours, across the kitchen to the stove. All I could think of as I ran was what would happen if I was to late. Would my meal be ruined? would I have to die hungry after all? These questions haunted me until I found that my eggs were perfectly fine. All they needed was some salt and pepper, and to be flipped over. Once that was done I sliced some bread and placed the crummy goodness into the toaster. By this time I had learned my lesson and I quickly returned to my cooking.

The white and yellow circles were so lovely as I carefully placed them on my pink plastic plate,drizzled the excess butter over them, and retrieved a fork from the drawer of silverware. but they were much less beautiful as I shoved them down my throat and into my now not so empty stomach. I finished them and was momentarily saddened by the thought that they were gone. Until the toast I had started leaped into the air from the toaster and landed on my plate. I completely forgot about the eggs as I frosted the two golden bricks in butter and inhaled them with ease. I finished eating and realized I had made a horrible mess. So I sneaked away from the scene of the crime and pretended to look busy with educating myself in the arts of graphing quadratic functions.

THE END... or should I say THE BEGINNING...

"Stay tuned to read the story of Bends Lunch!... or not."

Just to Clear Things Up

Okay folks it's about time we end the confusion and get things straight! You know just to clear things up.

Contrary to some beliefs grobs are not the same as flibs. At first glance (which is usually all you get) they seem the same, but after some actual observation anyone could see that they are quite different. If you've never seen a grob or flib then you are either very lucky or not very observant, in which case you probably won't be very interested in this post. Because in this post I will be talking much about the differences between your average grob or flib.

Now those of you who have seen one of these knows they are rather large, but close study shows that your average flib is about 25 pounds heavier than a grob. So when you look close you can see that a flib is slightly bigger than a grob. Flibs also have black spots all over them while grobs' spots are usually dark blue and slightly smaller. Grobs are usually found in wet cold forested climates while flibs are almost always in hot coastal areas. They are also very different when it comes to how they benefit their ecosystems. Flibs provide shade  for coastal reptiles and other cold blooded animals. While grobs are helpful in the process of photosynthesis. And, if it's not already obvious, a grob makes a better stew than a much more bitter flib. the following is a picture of a flib. unfortunately it isn't a very good quality picture... nor is it very helpful. It's behind the fishing pole. Under the fern. Okay I admit it... I don't see anything either... But I'm sure it's there  

Are you thoroughly confused yet?.. I am! And now I'm debating weather or not to go on... Na! If you're reading this you've probably been through enough... ish

These are not My Pants

Bobby- Hey nice pants! They're little tight but nice.
Billy- Yeah I just got them.
Bobby- So they're new?
Billy- I'm not sure...
Bobby- What? how can you not know how old your pants are?
Billy- They're not mine... I just... well, found them. So I don't know if they're new or old.
Bobby- So you found these pants and you just put them on?
Billy- No! I cleaned them first. You don't think I'd put on some random guys pants without washing them do you?
Bobby- Wai-wai-wait! If these pants aren't yours then who's are they?
Billy- I dunno. I just found them and it turns out they fit... somewhat.
Bobby- You can't just take pants! where did you get them?
Billy- Do you remember the huge accident that happened just outside of town?
Bobby- Yeah who could forget something like that? I heard there were twelve vehicles involved!
Billy- Yeah well I was stuck in the traffic behind the accident that day so I got a nice view of the whole thing. Turns out a laundry delivery truck had been knocked over, and I guess it lost some of it's cargo. And as I drove by I noticed a pair of pants that seemed in fine condition. So I pulled over and picked them up. simple as that.
Bobby- So you took advantage of the confusion during a catastrophe and stole a pair of pants?
Billy- Well if you look at it that way then yes. I mean they're nice though, aren't they?
Bobby- that's beside the point. people were hurt in that accident! And you had the heart to rob a man of his pants!
Billy- It's not like I took them from one of the crash victims. The guy could have been anybody. But they're really nice you yourself said so earlier. Look I even got you a shirt.
Bobby- ... Really?
Billy- Yeah, here. I think you could bleach the tire marks out. Just make sure the whole load is white.
Bobby- Yeah sure. wow that's nice. Here let me try it on.
Billy- nice... very nice.
Bobby- Aw thanks man!
Billy- Wait so what were you saying just now?
Bobby- Uh... I dunno...I guess I forgot.
Steve- Hey nice shirt! I like the tire print.
Bobby- Yeah well it's vintage... ish.